To the Stupid Kid Sitting At The Next Table in the Dining Hall

Posted on December 6, 2012


Dear Stupid Undergraduate,

I know you think you are smart and clever. I overheard you talking with your friends while I was trying to work on my criminal procedure outline. You were all talking about math tests, and I heard you repeatedly mention that you had taken online tests and quizzes for other people, bragging about how you’d gotten A’s for them.

In your warped, deficient little brain, you probably think you were doing them a favor. You were not.

1. Your friends, having not done the work for their own classes, still have to pass finals which are given by proctors who check ID’s.

2. Your friends haven’t learned what they are taking the class to learn.

3. If you get caught, you can all be given F’s or tossed out of school, which I am sure you are attending on your parents’ dime.

4. Chatting about it in a public place is a good way to get a busybody to report you. I was tempted to take your picture, write down details, and do just that, but I have my own exams to deal with so I didn’t. You’re welcome.

5. It won’t make anyone like you better, even the people you’re cheating for. They are using you.

You are a cheating cheater and you suck.



P.S., I also resisted the urge to give you a quasi-parental lecture, as well as the urge to slam your face into your eggs. You’re welcome.

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Posted in: rants